


I have loved you for the last time (Visions of Gideon)

by ArinaKuga



Series: Playlist Set [3]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/F, Highschool Setting, Oblivious, Unrequited Love, heads up, if you're reading for that, people can be scarily oblivious, sahyo is at the end, there's fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-30 03:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21421321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArinaKuga/pseuds/ArinaKuga
Summary: Im Nayeon doesn't understand the feelings that she has for the insufferable Yoo Jeongyeon. Luckily her best friend Park Jihyo is there to point her in the right direction. But is it the right decision? If it is, for who?I’ve seen you in my vision of the future, but it’s not with me, never with me and I accept that.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Minatozaki Sana/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Series: Playlist Set [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1518797
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	I have loved you for the last time (Visions of Gideon)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! I know I said I wouldn't write angst, but gosh darn I felt like I wanted to try it. So, here it is. If the grammar is weird, I'm as confused as you too, bud. I have no beta but myself so, yeah.  
If you guys wanna get in the mood for the fic you guys should listen to this,  
[Visions of Gideon (Sufjan Stevens)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6ip-LHgsGA)  
[Mood Board](https://twitter.com/anothingqueer/status/1195142539621175296)

It wasn’t a rare occurrence for the captain of the soccer team to be clashing in the middle of the hallway with the captain of the cheer team. It was also a known fact that both captains had been going at it since the first day of school, making it the longest feud anyone had ever witnessed. Despite them needing to work together because their group is essential for one another.

Everyone either ignored them to get to class or listen to the weekly new drama. The latter more than the former. But even with a dozen eyes on them, they don’t really care enough to stop.

“You better tell me the truth Yoo. Did you put a dead fucking lizard in Mina’s locker!?” Nayeon, the captain of the cheer team shrieked, the hallway reverberating from the intensity of her voice. Jeongyeon just shrugged her shoulder, smirk in place that made Nayeon wanted to smack her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Im. I really should be getting to class,” Jeongyeon mocked her, bumping shoulder while walking away. Nayeon was not going to let her go that easily, so she grabbed onto her hand and pulled her by the collar, stopping Jeongyeon in place. The hallway was dead silent. Everyone watched with anticipation because this is the first time this type of confrontation turned physical.

Before Nayeon could say anything, she saw Jeongyeon’s face changed, a flash of something in her eyes. But her mask was back on as she pushed her away, looking at Nayeon with disgust. “Don’t fucking touch me,” Jeongyeon seethed out.

Nayeon was taken aback by the hostility, almost feeling intimidated. Almost, if not for the split-second change on her face moments ago. “You better apologize to her. She had a fucking panic attack yesterday because of that.”

That changed her behavior instantly.

Jeongyeon actually looked remorseful and guiltily said, “I didn’t mean for it to get that far. I’ll apologize to her after class.” The conflict ended as soon as it started when Jeongyeon turned around and scurried off, leaving Nayeon standing in the middle of the hallway, feelings mixed. The spectators also left when there’s no more drama to feed them.

That night Nayeon couldn’t sleep. The look on Jeongyeon’s face was something that she can’t seem to get out of her mind. Her expression was something akin to _fear._ At her? Fuck if she knows. But that didn’t stop her heart from dropping when she saw it. She rolled around in her bed, trying to get comfortable but ultimately failed when she remembered back that _terrified face._

She didn’t mean to scare her. She was just pissed off because Jeongyeon pulled a pretty shitty prank on one of her best friends to the point of her having a panic attack. If she wasn’t so angry, she wouldn’t have grabbed her like that. But they’ve been going at it for such a long time that Nayeon thought nothing of it. A game that they’ve perfected with each other that sometimes she couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

Nayeon is not stupid. She knows the tightening feeling in her stomach is guilt, but that doesn’t mean she likes it. She thought it would just end there, but when Jeongyeon did come to the cheer squad practice area and apologized to Mina properly, the feeling of guilt she had intensified to the point her stomach just won’t stop bubbling throughout practice. Even until tonight.

When she did fell asleep that night, it was restless because her dream was filled with Jeongyeon and that face of her.

* * *

The next morning Nayeon woke up as early as 6 am to get ready for school. Her mother was genuinely surprised but didn’t question her, only giving her lunch she had prepared and pb&j sandwich for breakfast. She appreciated that as she biked to school through the morning mist, one hand on the handlebar and the other holding her sandwich. Enjoying the feel of spring breeze on her cheeks.

When she arrived, she heads straight towards the field, knowing Jeongyeon would be there to practice. How did she know that? She has to know her enemy’s every move, so, she memorized her schedule. Duh.

Her prediction was proven right when she heard Jeongyeon’s cleat tore up the earth as she ran around the field with the ball. Pulling maneuver after maneuver before kicking the ball into the goal post. Nayeon made a beeline towards her as Jeongyeon went to pick up the ball.

“I thought you can’t use hands in soccer.” She saw Jeongyeon’s shoulder sagged, but she barrels through anyway, standing beside the girl.

“What do you want Im?” Jeongyeon sighed, holding the ball closer to herself as if it’s a shield.

Nayeon swallowed her guilt, suddenly feeling nervous about this. She had never apologized to Jeongyeon about anything she had done, no matter how horrible the prank or insult is. Jeongyeon never apologized to her either, but Nayeon is a big girl and she knows when she fucked up. Yesterday was pretty much that.

Before she can let her nerve gets the best of her, she just, lets it go, “I’m sorry for yesterday. When I grabbed you. That was a pretty shitty thing to do.” Jeongyeon’s shoulders stiffened and Nayeon almost regretted it because it sounded way better in her head. It was proven to be a bad idea when Jeongyeon lets out a guffawed laugh, shoulders shaking.

Nayeon felt totally embarrassed, so she turned around to escape this situation and to never speak of it again, only to be stopped in place by Jeongyeon’s hand holding onto hers. She didn’t dare turn around, heart beating erratically in her chest. Jeongyeon must’ve sensed this too, because she didn’t try to coax Nayeon to turn around.

“Thank you, Nayeon.”

Nayeon nodded, too stunned to answer back anything. What was she supposed to answer back anyway? She felt her arm limply fell to her side as Jeongyeon lets go. The sound of her cleat going further as she walked away to the lockers, leaving Nayeon who’s heart beats wildly in her chest, palms sweaty and face hotter than the summer sun in the middle of the field, simpering in her feelings.

* * *

It was the first time Yoo Jeongyeon had called her by her first name. Usually, it’s Im or even the infamous bitch, but to hear it said in such a soft manner does something to Nayeon’s heart. So, she ignored it. Jeongyeon seemed to be doing the same thing too because there’s no more elaborate prank happening after that. Not even an interaction even though they practiced at the same field (no more feeling the hair on the back of her neck rises when she’s at the top of the pyramid).

They don’t even glance at each other in the hallway, as if the years of fighting never happened. The student body picked up on it, but they don’t dare ask, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of whatever it is they’re fighting about this time.

She doesn’t know whether to feel pissed or glad that there’s no more flooding prank in the locker room. She groaned into her pillow at how _conflicting _these feelings are for her enemy? Frenemy?

“Just insult her and get it over with,” Jihyo mumbled, looking through her chemistry homework, already losing interest.

Nayeon groaned again, using her pillow to hit Jihyo on the shoulder. “You know I can’t attack unless she does something stupid first.”

Jihyo was offended by the assault, that she abandoned her book and took the pillow to suffocate Nayeon with it. They struggle for power in a bit, but then stopped and lay side by side when they got too tired.

Jihyo has been her best friend since forever so she has no problem sharing her thoughts and secrets with her, but she did almost smack her silly when the girl doesn’t stop laughing for an hour after she told her about what happened with Jeongyeon.

“I didn’t know there were rules for this arrangement.”

“Unspoken rules,” Nayeon grumbled out, contemplating. “But I broke it, in a way by apologizing.” She heard Jihyo hummed and suddenly her face was above hers, close. Nayeon stopped breathing altogether, eyes blinking wildly at the proximity.

“Like how everyone has their own roles they need to embrace and follow the unspoken rules thrust upon them?”

“Yes, in a way, what?”

Jihyo smiled at her confusion and rolled over. “What if it’s time for the unspoken rules to be broken?” She intertwined their hands together. “Maybe it’s time you accept it Nayeon.”

“Accept what?” She doesn’t know why her friend is adamant about this topic (she certainly doesn’t know why her heart is beating to get out of her chest about this topic).

“That you actually like Jeongyeon.”

Nayeon felt like her lungs were punctured. The wind knocked out of her so bad that she wasn’t breathing for a couple of seconds. All those complicated feelings were compressed in one tiny word that has a giant impact to anyone experiencing it. And she was it, the experiencer.

“Uh, I-what, y-you,” her vocabulary was reduced to an equivalent of a keyboard smash. Jihyo’s melodious laugh ringing in the air.

“I’m stating the fact.”

“It’s a shitty fact.”

“But you’re not denying it either though.”

The realization of that rendered her speechless. Because Nayeon does know in her heart of hearts that she doesn’t want to deny it. It took her a couple of deep breaths to finally say something, Jihyo’s rhythmic squeeze on her hand helped her calm down. “I’m not, huh?”

“You never hated Jeongyeon.”

“Yeah.”

“You never wanted to hurt her.”

“Uhuh.”

“You’re just too stupid to understand your feelings.”

“Yea—hey!” She smacked Jihyo’s shoulder with her unoccupied hand. Jihyo smirked at her and rolled her eyes. “I still don’t understand though,” Nayeon whispered.

Jihyo suddenly sat up, hand still intertwined but her back was away from her. “How about you try to be nice to her. Start spending time with her and see where your heart takes you.”

“That sounds really cheesy Jihyo.”

Jihyo sighed exasperatedly, letting go of her hand to pick up a discarded pillow and hitting her with it. “I’m giving you ideas you stupid bitch,” she laughed out like a psycho while her hits were getting more and more aggressive. Nayeon tried her best to defend herself, shrieking when Jihyo started hitting her ass.

After they’ve done fighting, they got under the covers to sleep, pushing everything off the bed. Jihyo is staying the night because she doesn’t have the energy to go back by bike. Nayeon felt her eyes getting heavier, but there’s something she wanted to say to Jihyo. “Thank you Jihyo, for listening and trying to help me. I’m glad I told you about this. I’m glad you’re my best friend,” she whispered into the dark, snuggling closer towards the other girl.

It took a couple of seconds for Jihyo to answer back, whispering in the darkness of the room, “that’s what’s best friends are for, right?”

Somehow, she felt as if the reply was solemn.

* * *

When she woke up the next morning, Jihyo’s side of the bed is empty. A note was stuck to the side of her face; the only thing written on it was the word home. Nayeon assumed Jihyo already went back home and stuck the note to her mirror.

She has an inkling on what she wants to do about Jeongyeon. As she went through her morning routine, Jihyo’s suggestion has been whirling in her mind for the better part of it. Maybe she does need to get to know Jeongyeon more. Maybe the reason why they’ve been fighting each other was because she has feelings for Jeongyeon.

But she’s not going to jump to conclusion, so in order to uncover that, she has to uncover Jeongyeon first. She can’t really deny that she’s not curious about the other girl, even though all they ever do is exchanging blows to one another.

She didn’t think she would be having this crisis in her last year of school. She _had_ imagined before this, how they would part ways. Without a goodbye or an apology and just went on their merry way living in their future without a thought of one another. She doesn’t like that, sadness bubbling at the pit of her stomach from that thought. After she finished with her routine, she packed two sandwiches in her paper bag and went on her way to school.

Fortunately, when she arrived, Jeongyeon was already at the field practicing as usual. She stood by the side, waiting for the other girl to notice her. She watched how Jeongyeon dribble with the ball, total concentration on her face as she manipulates the ball according to her wish, master of the art she had perfected the moment she joined the school soccer team. If anything, they never insult each other when it comes to their respective professions.

Suddenly an object whizzed next to her, startling her enough that she almost screamed. She clutched her chest as she watched the ball bounced away from her. The sound of Jeongyeon’s cleat coming nearer.

“You okay?”

“Concerned, are we?”

“Of course, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Nayeon stood there, shocked that Jeongyeon would admit it just like that with no coercion from her. Jeongyeon rolled her eyes at Nayeon’s expression. “I’m not a monster like how you imagine me to be Im.”

“I never thought that you were either, Yoo. Annoying sure, but a monster, no.”

They stood still, feet shifting as silence descended upon them. Nayeon then remembered why she was here. She thrust the brown bag to Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon took the bag, hesitantly looking in and sniffing the content. “A sandwich?”

“The finest peanut butter and jelly sandwich, thank you very much.”

“You didn’t put laxative in it right?” The other girl questioned, but half of the sandwich was already in her mouth. Nayeon scoffed, about to hit her on the shoulder but stopped when she remembered what happened. She awkwardly swooped her hand to her neck, scratching it.

Jeongyeon walked away suddenly towards the bleachers. Nayeon stood in place, puzzled. When she looked back and Nayeon hadn’t moved, she beckoned Nayeon to follow her with a whip of her head. They walked to the back of the bleacher, in a little corner where no one would see.

Jeongyeon sat down first, still munching on her sandwich while Nayeon tried to maneuver herself to sit on the damp grass. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, face to face, basking in each other’s presence. Nayeon was surprised at how comfortable it is. But Jeongyeon broke the silence with a question.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?” She asked, her tone suspicious.

Nayeon opened her mouth and closed, thinking. It was a simple question but somehow at the same time, it felt loaded. But, in all honesty, she really does want to get to know her, to build a bridge as people would say.

“I want to extend an olive branch.”

“At the last year of our high school life?”

“Better late than never, right?” She grinned, trying to look convincing. Jeongyeon just chuckled at that. “Besides, you said it yourself. This is our last year as students here and I don’t really want to end it on a bad note with you after I leave.”

“Uhuh, convincing alibi or is it just because you’re curious as to why I look at you like that in the hallway?”

Nayeon was surprised to say the least, that Jeongyeon was pretty observant too (only for her?). “That too, but I won’t pry unless you want to tell me.”

“That would require you to unlock friendship level 5 with me.”

That perked Nayeon up. “What level am I then?”

“One.” Jeongyeon smiled at her and Nayeon can’t help but think how beautiful it is when that smile is directed towards her. And thus, the olive branch was accepted.

* * *

She sat in the library with her body leaning against the chair, eyes trained to the ceiling while recalling her meeting with Jeongyeon; the sound of Jihyo’s pencil scribbling in her note filled the library.

“She’s actually quite nice.” When there’s no answer she continued anyway. “We got to talking and she wasn’t a bitch that I thought she was.” When there’s still no answer, she _mildly_ kicked Jihyo’s chair, the sound of the pencil veering off course gave her satisfaction.

Jihyo erased the mistake, muttering, “I’ve been listening you dick.”

“Then act like it.” She can hear Jihyo scoffed, continuing her work.

“So, you’ve managed to not treat her like shit, congrats.” There was a bite to her tone that Nayeon had never heard from before. She properly looked at her friend, her brows were furrowed and hand scribbling furiously on her notes.

“You okay Jihyo-ah?” Nayeon asked softly. That stopped Jihyo from writing, but she can feel the weird energy rolling off of her shoulder and leaking into the space they’re in. Nayeon reached out her hand and rubbed Jihyo’s shoulder softly and felt her stiffen from the touch.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes; Nayeon calming her friend down. “If there’s something wrong, you know you can tell me.” Before Jihyo could answer she cuts her off, “And none of that, ‘it’s nothing’ bullshit. We’re spilling hard truths today.” Jihyo mumbled something she couldn’t hear but at the tail end of it sounded suspiciously like ‘handle it’. But Nayeon doesn’t press her on that.

“It’s college.” Nayeon understood now. Jihyo has always been a goal-oriented person, so, of course, the thought of choosing a college would stress her out.

“Do you have a place in mind?”

“Japan.”

Nayeon felt her stomach churned. Jihyo had never discussed this with her, not even a peep. Her hands were clammy now as she clasped it together. “I…didn't know about this.”

“I just thought of it this year. The place has the course that I want.” Nayeon doesn’t know what to make of this. Her best friend is going to be so far away from her—a _country_ away from her. Nayeon already sets her eyes on a nearby college that offered her the course that she wanted, so naturally, her assumption would be Jihyo coming with her to that college too.

“You don’t want to study here?” ‘With me', she didn’t dare to add.

“I’ve checked here, even the place that you want to go. I don’t think I'll get the exact thing that I want here. Hence, Japan.”

“Oh.” Nayeon was speechless. She could follow Jihyo to Japan, but the college Jihyo wants to get in must be a very high-level one because Jihyo is smart and she wants to be in the science field. The more she thinks about being far away from Jihyo, the more scared she is. Her body shivered, not from the cold.

Suddenly a jacket was draped over her shoulder, Jihyo’s floral scent enveloping her. “I forgot how bad you are with the cold. The librarian is really feeling herself today. Turning on the AC when it’s 5 degrees outside,” she muttered, making sure Nayeon was properly bundled despite the jacket being small on her.

Nayeon felt her chest bloomed at the gesture, even though Jihyo had done this a million times over. At that moment she’s reassured that even if Jihyo is far away, their friendship wouldn’t just end like that.

“You’ll tell me if you got in, right?” Nayeon hesitantly asked.

Jihyo looked at her and smiled, “of course, I'll tell you before I’ll even tell my parents.” But somehow the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. She turned around to do her work, “talk my ear off about Jeongyeon if you want. You know I'm listening.”

Something felt off, but Nayeon knew when Jihyo has had enough of sharing. So, she talks.

* * *

The days pass by as how Nayeon thought it would. Slow, steady and dull. But what’s not dull is her now morning routine with Jeongyeon. Every day at 6 she would bike her way to school, two sandwiches in her bag. They would sit under the bleachers after Jeongyeon finished with her practice and just spend time talking about nothing and everything.

She learned more and more about Jeongyeon. She’s a nerd that likes to assemble difficult tier Legos. She has two dogs and a cat, and she would die for them if need be. Her sister was the previous cheer squad captain of the school, but it was a long time ago so Nayeon never met her. She volunteered for the animal shelter downtown in her free time and the more Nayeon knows about her, the more she sees Jeongyeon in a different light, and the more she understands her feelings towards the other girl.

She’s steadily climbing the level of friendship too. Jeongyeon told her she’s on level three now because she brought an egg sandwich instead of the pb&j one. The people in school was certainly surprised by their friendship. They almost couldn’t believe their eyes when Nayeon walked up to Jeongyeon at her locker and greet her morning, like a civilized person. But as always, they don’t dare pry, especially with the way Nayeon glared at them if they were to start talking.

However, the closer she got with Jeongyeon, the further Jihyo drifted away from her. She noticed it when Jihyo doesn’t reply to her texts immediately or when their study session is becoming less frequent until it’s pretty much nonexistence.

Jihyo also kept declining to come to her house for a sleepover, claiming she has club activities and presidential duties that she needs to attend to, so she’ll be quite tired. Nayeon knew it was total bullshit because when she asked Dahyun about it, the girl told her that Jihyo had done her work fast and went home early every day.

She didn’t want to push yet, thinking that Jihyo might need some space, but the stick that broke the camel’s back was when Jihyo didn’t come to her cheer competition. She promised her from day one that she would never miss it, would never miss Nayeon.

So, she cornered the girl. Nayeon knew the place that Jihyo would go to for lunch other than the cafeteria is at the rooftop of the school. One of the perks of being the president of the student council, the master key. When she found her, Jihyo was sitting against the wall eating her lunchbox, almost choked when she caught sight of Nayeon.

Nayeon bulldozed her way through, calling her out. “You’re avoiding me.”

Jihyo took her sweet time packing up her lunchbox and putting it aside, not looking at Nayeon the whole time. Nayeon’s emotions were bubbling the longer time stretched on.

“I wasn’t.”

She cracked. “Yes, you are! Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice? Did you really think I’m that stupid to not notice my own best friend avoiding me for god knows why?” She felt tears trailing down her cheeks, but she’s not done yet. “I fucking miss you Jihyo, can’t you see? I can feel you drifting so far away from me. Did I do something wrong to you for you to avoid me like this?” Her voice cracked at the end of it.

Jihyo immediately pulled her in for a hug and Nayeon can’t stop the tears from flowing even more because she missed this so much. She cried for a little bit, Jihyo soothingly rubbing her back, apologizing into her shoulder the whole time.

When her tears were reduced to sniffs and hiccups, Jihyo pushed a chopstick with food into her face. She gladly ate it, mumbling her thanks. She didn’t mean to cry really, but her emotions got the best of her.

“I’m sorry Nayeon. I got too much in my head. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You avoid me for no reason _worried_ me. You know you can talk to me about anything right Jihyo? Even your worries. We’ve been friends since forever.” Jihyo kept feeding her and sharing her lunchbox, silent as if she’s contemplating. Nayeon waited, but as she waits, the wheels were churning in her head, about the possibility of why Jihyo was avoiding her. Then, she concluded.

“Is the reason why you want me to befriend Jeongyeon is because you like her? And this is all an elaborate plan for when you’ll tell me you like her so that I’ll approve her to be with you,” Nayeon rambled off. Jihyo’s chopstick stopped midway, a look of pure disbelief on her face.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Jihyo took a deep breath and scoffed. “No, you _idiot_.”

“Then? Is it because I spent too much time with her?” Nayeon asked, peeved because Jihyo called her an idiot.

Jihyo shook her head. “I’m not that childish.” She took a deep breath as if to prepare herself. “I’m stressed about college. I need to work extra hard to get a scholarship because my parents are short on money. Council work is piling up by the minute and at the same time, I’m mentoring Dahyun to make sure she’ll be able to handle it when she becomes the new president next year. Everything is tits up.” She sighed after she finished her rambling. “I’m avoiding you because I don’t want to let out my frustration on you. Besides,” she turned herself properly to Nayeon, “I don’t want to ruin your time with Jeongyeon.”

“Oh, Jihyo,” Nayeon hugged her friend. “You could never ruin anything. You’re my best friend, first and foremost. I promised you before that I’ll listen and do my best to help you. I intend to keep that promise you know?” She felt Jihyo nod against her shoulder. She then pressed her forehead against Jihyo’s. “Don’t avoid me anymore, please. If you have a problem, please tell me.”

It took Jihyo a couple of seconds to say anything back. “I will, promise.”

They sat in silence after that. Jihyo continuing with her lunch, occasionally feeding her. She understands the stress that her friend is going through. She understands how important it is for Jihyo to get that scholarship. But somehow, as she chewed on the squid that Jihyo fed her, she doesn’t believe that Jihyo had told her the whole truth. Especially with the way Jihyo had looked at her sadly when she gave her promise.

Fast forward a few months later, it was June, which means it’s almost summer break. Jihyo had stopped avoiding her and they spend time together like how they used to. She and Jeongyeon had also gotten closer. Close enough that they’re having lunch together at the cafeteria, with Jihyo sometimes joining them, getting along with each other much to Nayeon’s delight.

When summer break does come Nayeon spent most of her time either hanging out with Jeongyeon or Jihyo. The former more than the latter because Jihyo would spend the rest of her break at her grandparents’ house in Busan because she hasn’t seen them for so long.

The thought of meeting with Jeongyeon outside of school had been nerve-wracking because they haven’t done anything outside of school. But her nervousness proved to be stupid because Jeongyeon is still the same sans the school uniform. She went to her house, watching the other girl play with Legos or play with her pets, being the dork that she is and Nayeon is loving every single moment of it.

She’s doing her summer work in her room; it was already midnight and she’s thinking of hitting the sack, but suddenly there’s a sound coming from her window. Nayeon thought it was just the wind…knocking, but it happened again, and it scared the shit out of her.

She moved slowly towards her window, startled whenever the thing hits it again. She didn’t dare open it, only peering through it lest there’s something creepy waiting outside. She should’ve just gone to sleep earlier, fuck math.

She spots a familiar black beanie and lets out a sigh of relief. She opened her window and glared at the intruder. “What the hell Yoo Jeongyeon?” She whispered heatedly, not wanting to wake up the whole neighborhood. Jeongyeon flashed her charming smile, beckoning her to come out.

“Are you crazy? It’s nighttime.”

“Don’t be a chicken and come down. Wear something warm,” Jeongyeon whisper-shouted. When Nayeon realized Jeongyeon was not budging from her position, she grabbed a jacket from her closet and wore some sweatpants. Tiptoeing down the hallway of her house, avoiding cracks that usually makes a sound when she stepped on it.

Jeongyeon was already waiting for her in the driveway, bike at the ready with the most breath-taking smile on her face and a brown paper bag dangling towards her. Nayeon rolled her eyes but brought her bike anyway.

“You’re such a delinquent.”

“Takes one to know one,” Jeongyeon mocked her, already kicking off on her bike.

Nayeon chuckled, getting on her bike and catching up to her, paddling side by side. “Where are we going?”

“Into the woods so I can murder you.”

“Nice, end me, daddy.”

Jeongyeon laughed too hard that she almost swerved into a tree if not for Nayeon pulling her by the jacket.

They reached an opening amongst the trees. It was dark even with the streetlight illuminating the dirt path. They biked until they reached a fallen tree blocking the path ahead. Leaving their bikes behind, they make their way on foot, Nayeon held onto Jeongyeon’s hand while she navigated them expertly, as if she knew the forest by heart. Occasionally pointing at roots and rocks that Nayeon should avoid lest she wants to fall face first into the ground.

Jeongyeon pulled her off the path into the thicker part of the trees and suddenly she remembered back what the other girl had said about murdering her in the woods—she doesn’t regret her joke though. She was about to think of an escape plan but then they got out of the thick woods and suddenly there’s a lake in front of them.

“Woah.”

The lake is quite big surrounded by trees. But the trees weren’t tall enough to canopy above it, so the light from the moon reflected against the lake, creating a sort of ethereal ambiance of the surrounding.

“I never knew this place existed.”

“I found this place when I wanted to run away from everything. It’s kind of a sanctuary for me, especially at night,” Jeongyeon started, sitting on a patch of grass. Nayeon followed suit, humming to tell her that she’s listening, eating the sandwich Jeongyeon made for her. “My dad came back home one night and starts beating up my mom. My sister was in college so I was by myself and couldn’t help her. He did that before, but somehow that night was the worst, so I ran off into the woods and stumbled here.”

Nayeon choked on her sandwich.

Jeongyeon rubbed her back worriedly as Nayeon continued coughing from a piece of bread stuck in her throat. When she managed to not die, she looked at Jeongyeon, expression neutral, as if she wasn’t on death’s door moments ago. “Oh.”

“Too dark?”

“No, not really. Just surprised. Is uh, is your dad around?”

“Not anymore.”

Nayeon sighed in relief, but then she recalled back her scuffle with Jeongyeon in the hallway. The moment that started it all. She puts two and two together. “Jeongyeon, I’m so sorry,” she grasped onto Jeongyeon’s hand. “What I did, you-, did that remind you of _him_?” Nayeon asked, guilt bubbling up in her throat, about to spill out.

Jeongyeon gave a tiny nod and Nayeon immediately engulfed her in a hug, the tightest she’s ever given anyone. She whispered apologies after apologies into Jeongyeon’s ear and the other girl reassured her that she’s okay. That they’re okay.

“It was such a long time ago, but I feel so dumb to even feel scared anymore,” she shuddered out. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I trust you enough to share this part of me. And you deserve to know why, especially when you apologized to me afterward.” She gave a teary smile, and at that moment Nayeon swore to herself that she would do everything in her power to make Jeongyeon happy.

“I’m honored that you trust me enough to tell me this. Does this mean I’m on level five?” Nayeon tried to joke to lighten the mood but Jeongyeon stayed silent, thinking.

“Level one.”

“Huh? But I thought—”

“Relationship level one.” Now they’re both blushing.

“Oh.”

Jeongyeon laughed nervously, wringing her hands together. “If you want to, of course. I’ve always had feelings for you, since the start. But we got off on the wrong foot, so I thought I’ve already lost my chance and riling you up became my favorite past time and then you suddenly came and apologized to me for something that you didn’t even understand yet and I—”

Nayeon cuts off her rambling by placing her hand on Jeongyeon’s leg. She understands now, what she had been feeling all along. She can’t deny it really, with the way her heart skipped a beat, butterflies fluttering free and warmth blooming deep within her chest. “I want it too,” she whispered.

“Then, would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Nayeon smiled her biggest smile, bunny teeth, puffy cheeks and all. “I would love to Yoo Jeongyeon.” She leaned forward with her eyes closed and Jeongyeon kissed her. It felt magical with how perfect their lips slot against each other, with the sound of the forest as their background and the moon as their witness. They stayed there until dawn breaks, forgetting about the world around them as they spilled secrets after secrets of themselves.

After they noticed the sun’s ray peeking through the trees and reflecting against the water, they decided to head back. As she watched Jeongyeon rides in front of her, Nayeon can’t help but imagine the future she would have with the other girl.

She should really thank Jihyo for this.

* * *

The rest of the break was spent by completing unfinished homework side by side. When school starts, they don’t really want people to know that they got together, so they keep it on the down-low, hanging out looking like friends but behind closed doors they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The perk of being a girl and gay is that every little contact is deemed as friendly and Nayeon does her best to make use of this by playfully brushing hands with Jeongyeon in the hallway or whispering sweet nothing into her ears. Pretty much teasing her because it’s more fun than riling her up for a fight.

Nayeon wanted to tell Jihyo about this recent development with Jeongyeon but she found out from Dahyun that Jihyo is still in Busan with her grandparents. She tried not to acknowledge the pang of hurt that Jihyo didn’t even tell her about this.

Then exam week happens. An utmost important time for students, especially for both of them. They've developed a policy where if it’s exam week, none of them should disturb each other unless it’s a life or death situation. They came up with this pact a long time ago because Nayeon once introduced Jihyo to a mobile game that they both got addicted to and in the end got bad grades for it. The consequences were massive, what with Nayeon almost got kicked off the cheer squad and Jihyo not being able to attend her mathlete competition.

But it also meant not being able to see Jihyo until exam week is over and Nayeon felt the need to tell her about the relationship becoming irrelevant by the day. Because rumors had broken out about them dating, so surely it had already reached Jihyo. But that doesn’t mean she’s not going to tell the other girl directly. She’s just going to be stupidly guilty about it.

After finishing the grueling exam papers, it’s time for a celebration. The school's way of doing it is by letting nervous, horny and pent up energy teenagers dance it off on the dance floor. So, the winter dance was born and because of this event, Nayeon knew exactly where Jihyo would be.

She heads towards the gym hall, where the student council is organizing the dance at. Everything was already set up looking a lot like winter. With strings of snowflakes dangling from the ceiling. But since it’s GOT theme, there’s night king perched at the podium and tiny dragons dangling alongside the snowflakes. It’s Jihyo’s work alright, meticulous and beautiful as if she gave her all. And she does.

However, amidst the wonderful decoration, a somber song was playing in the background. Jihyo stood in the middle, humming and swaying to the beat.

“Never heard this song in your playlist before.”

“I never share with you my sad girl hour playlist.”

“Kinda liking it though.”

Jihyo chuckled, extending her hand forward for Nayeon to take. And she took it, swaying with Jihyo in a sort of slow dance. They stay like that for a bit, her right hand on Jihyo’s waist and left on her shoulder, swaying to the beat of the song.

“You know, I can imagine how the day would go down,” Jihyo said, interrupting the calm atmosphere. “I bet you're going to wear a purple dress, cause that’s your favorite color. Hair up in a ponytail because you don’t want to have to mess with it the whole night. Slow dancing like this.”

“Who am I dancing with?” Nayeon asked, curious, whispering as if they’re about to share the secret of the universe.

It took Jihyo a couple of seconds to answer, staring at her in the eyes, smirk in place. “Jeongyeon.”

Nayeon gulped, throat tightening. “Jihyo, I—"

“I know Nayeon. Congratulations.”

Nayeon felt her heart fell to her stomach, guilt festering. “I wanted to tell you first, I swear, but the timing is always bad,” Nayeon explained. “How did you find out?”

“Just now, when you confirmed it.”

Nayeon was stunned, rooted in place and looking at Jihyo bewildered. “You played me,” she scoffed. Jihyo just chuckled at that, but Nayeon noticed there’s no warmth behind it.

“I did. And you fell for it.” The atmosphere transitioned into a playful one, but there’s an undertow. It felt like they’re dancing on thin ice with one another. Nayeon doesn’t understand why.

She tried to ignore the feeling, huffing out in a playful manner, “I came here to tell you that. But I also wanted to thank—"

“Don’t,” Jihyo cuts her off. Nayeon was surprised by the amount of dejection dripping in that one word that they stopped dancing altogether. The air was tense, the song in the background has reached its peak, Nayeon had stepped wrongly and now the ice is cracking.

But suddenly Jihyo smiled, rows of teeth on display as if she’s caging her emotions behind it, as if she didn’t let slip her real feelings moments ago. “Don’t… thank me, because it’s all you Nayeon.”

Nayeon doesn’t know how to respond to that. There’s something behind those words that stabbed her in the heart, but she doesn’t know what to make of it. She badly wanted to think nothing of it, but Jihyo had hugged her and went on her tiptoe to kiss her on the cheek, so close to the side of her lips that Nayeon swore she felt it on her lips instead.

“I hope with all my heart that she'll make you happy,” Jihyo whispered in her ear, a prayer (a goodbye?).

“Thank you,” Nayeon whispered back, not knowing what else to say, hugging her friend tightly to herself, heart beating wildly in her chest.

“Hyo—”

“Please, let me stay like this for a bit.” And so Nayeon stood still, confused at the desperation in her friend’s voice.

Jihyo let her go and stepped back, eyes shaking. “The sound system seems to be working. I need to check with Dahyun about food and beverages,” she said, already turning away to the exit.

“You know, you don’t really have to imagine the day because you’ll be here,” Nayeon stated, stopping Jihyo in her track. Nayeon imagined a chasm in between them with how far they are.

Jihyo turned around and looked at her. Properly looking at her as if she’s committing Nayeon into memory and it scared the living daylight out of her. Then she gave Nayeon her biggest smile, a real one unlike moments ago. “Of course, Nayeon.”

Then she turned around, leaving Nayeon to stand still in the middle of the gym with the somber music still playing in the background. She stared at the exit, hoping for something, but even she doesn’t know what it is.

* * *

She didn’t meet up with Jihyo after that, too anxious and afraid to face the other girl, ironically avoiding her even though she told Jihyo not to. Surprisingly, avoiding Jihyo had been a breeze because she didn’t even see her anywhere. In the hallways, the cafeteria and even the student council room. And it went on until the day of the dance itself.

As expected, Jeongyeon asked her to the dance and she accepted. She bought a purple dress because purple is her favorite color. She donned her hair up in a ponytail because she doesn’t want to mess with it the whole night. She was finishing her make up when her mother called for her downstairs.

Jeongyeon had arrived in a beat-up Honda that her sister lent to her. She looked absolutely stunning in her green dress that Nayeon couldn’t help but sneak in a kiss before they leave. Her parents embarrassed her by taking pictures after pictures of them, but she doesn’t mind one bit.

They helped each other wear their corsage, grinning and giddy the whole time because they couldn’t believe the love that they found in one another. To think that they were at each other’s throat years ago and now here they are, matching corsage and all.

The whole student body was shocked, to say the least, that they came together hand in hand. Their friends hollered at them, shouting congratulations and pretty much saying ‘finally’, embarrassing them even more.

The gym looked absolutely different than when Nayeon last came here. There are balloons, snow machines, tables and more decorations filling up the space. Nayeon was impressed at the amount of dedication that Jihyo puts in these events and suddenly that reminded her. She looked around the place, examining the nooks and cranny of the gym to spot familiar short hair because Jihyo never liked being trapped by people. But she didn’t see her at all.

Her stomach felt anxious, but Jeongyeon helped distract her by dancing with her and feeding her food. The music playing is upbeat, and everyone danced wildly in the middle. They're jumping, shouting, singing and pretty much having the time of their lives letting out pent up energies.

Then the music changed to something slower as the night comes to a close. Jeongyeon pulled her on her feet and dragged her to the dance floor, smiling the whole way. She was surprised that Jeongyeon was eager to dance and that energy rubbed off on her as she lets herself be whisked away, giggling uncontrollably.

Their bodies slot against each other, fit like puzzle pieces or Legos if Jeongyeon were to think of it. They dipped and spun one another, laughing through it all as they clumsily step on each other’s feet or dress. But, despite the happy mood, Nayeon couldn’t help but remember back on what happened between her and Jihyo. Jeongyeon seemed to sense this.

“You okay babe? Tired?” Jeongyeon asked, worry etched on her face.

Nayeon shook her head, pressing their forehead together. “I just remembered something, is all. I don’t know where Jihyo is.”

“I haven’t seen her at all too, even on the last day of class.”

It was a pretty odd thing too because Jihyo had at least one class with Jeongyeon and she would never miss her class. Her anxiety spiked from this information. Before she could process further the song came to an end and thus the winter dance is over. Everyone gathered in the middle, awaiting the speech from the principal and the student council president.

Nayeon’s brain muted the principal’s speech, anticipating her friend to take the stage. When it’s over, Nayeon can’t help but feel nervous. She gripped Jeongyeon’s hand, squeezing it whenever the butterflies hit. But instead of Jihyo, Dahyun was the one that came out to the stage.

“Hi everyone, hope you guys had a great time tonight,” Dahyun cheerfully asked, her sunny disposition shines through. Everyone cheered their agreement. “Okay, okay good. This thing wouldn’t have run this smoothly if not for our former president, Park Jihyo.” People cheered some more, clapping and Nayeon just realized, that Dahyun said former.

Dahyun seemed to pause, scanning out the crowd until her eyes landed on her. Nayeon could see her throat bobbed, swallowing down her nervousness. “Unfortunately, our dear president is not here with us today. She has spread her wings and is now in Japan pursuing her studies much earlier than we thought, so—”

Nayeon didn’t hear the rest of the speech, couldn’t hear it over the thundering sound of her heartbeat. She doesn’t even think she’s breathing right now, and it’s proven to be true when Jeongyeon held onto her face and told her to breathe. When she just couldn’t take in a breath, Jeongyeon gently pulled her out of the gym.

She fell to her knees on the grass, too weak to even walk; her dress soaked beneath her feet. Jeongyeon kneeled beside her, rubbing her back soothingly and coaxing her to follow her breathing. Nayeon does what was asked, feeling her heartbeat slowing down with every exhale.

“Nayeon, you didn’t know?” Jeongyeon asked.

In that moment Nayeon felt blessed that Jeongyeon understood her. She shook her head, her throat felt closed up to the point she couldn’t talk.

“Oh, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon held onto her as she cried. There were people walking by and looking at them but Jeongyeon glared at them and they left the couple alone. Jeongyeon consoled her and Nayeon felt bad that the girl had to do it but Jeongyeon reassured her that she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else than here with her.

“Nayeon unnie?”

Nayeon whipped her head and Dahyun was standing there, eyes cast down.

“Dahyun-ah?” Nayeon croaked out.

The other girl was biting her lip, eyes darting everywhere but her and hands behind her back. Suddenly a letter was in her face. Her name was written on it in cursive and she recognized that handwriting anywhere.

She wanted to feel angry, angry that Dahyun knew about this and not her. Angry that Dahyun didn’t tell her about Jihyo, but the rational part of her brain knew that that wouldn’t be fair for the other girl.

“Thank you, Dahyun-ah,” she sighed.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you unnie, it wasn’t my place to say anything.” Dahyun apologized, voice quivering.

Nayeon shook her head and pats Dahyun on the shoulder. “I understand Dahyun-ah, it’s okay.” She turned around to look at Jeongyeon and the girl understood her, already taking out the car keys from her purse. “Take me home Jeongie.”

When she arrived home, her mother saw her red eyes and ruined dress. Jeongyeon explained to her what had happened because she doesn’t have the energy for it. When her mom hugged her, Nayeon just felt numb. She hugged Jeongyeon, thanked her and head upstairs to her room; she couldn’t even feel guilty for essentially leaving her girlfriend just like that.

She sat on the bed, hand shakily clutching the letter. She doesn’t understand how any of this could’ve happened. But hopefully, the letter could shed some light on it, even though it hurts for her to even breathe. So, she reads, heart panged from the first words.

_Dear Nayeon,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you. But the thought of you dancing with another is not something that I could handle, even though I’ve endured it for so long. I had to leave. I know you’re confused and angry at me, but the reason why I left is because I’m in love with you. I had been for as long as I could remember._

_I could never tell you that though, unless on here because I've seen the way you look at Jeongyeon and how she looks back. She looks at you the same way that I do, and I've longed accepted that you won’t see me back the same way. So, I pushed you to her, pushed you further because the love you have for her is inevitable._

_I know you Im Nayeon and I understand if you don’t love me back. I’ve seen you in my vision of the future, but it’s not with me, never with me and I accept that. So, I did the next best thing for us to be happy. I let you go._

_Yours forever,_

_Jihyo_

Nayeon choked out a sob, guilt festering in her gut not because she didn’t acknowledge her friend’s feelings, but because she couldn’t reciprocate it. She loves Jeongyeon deeply, more than she could love Jihyo and Jihyo knew that.

She clutched the paper to her chest, slipping down on her knees, begging for God to stop the pain in her chest. She cried for a long time, until her legs are numb, until her head hurts and her eyes dry.

Sunrise peeked through the window and brought light into her room. She got up; legs wobbly that she had to use the bed as support. She looked in the mirror and winced at how messed up she looked like, but then in the corner of her eye, she spots the note stuck to her mirror. The ink faded from time, but she could still make out the word written; home.

She understood now, what it meant.

* * *

“So, you left?”

“I did,” Jihyo murmured, drained beyond belief after spilling her heart out to Sana.

“That’s, huh.”

“Stupid?”

“Kind of and sad.”

Jihyo chuckled, sitting back up and deposit off the girl on her chest, prompting a whine out of her. “First love is always stupid.” She scooted and sat at the edge of the bed, a thousand different memories playing in her head.

“So, you pushed her to Jeongyeon,” Sana stated and Jihyo nodded.

“Whatever happened in that hallway, sets everything in motion. But even if it didn’t happen, I would still do it. It just sped up the process is all,” Jihyo explained. Sana hummed and suddenly Jihyo was nervous. “I had to—, I couldn’t handle it. The rejection if I confessed. I knew the answer already. I did it for her and for myself.”

She continued her explanation to convince Sana (or is it herself?) “I tried to distance myself in the first place, but she pulled me back in. It hurts to sit there and see them together, but at the same time I was glad that Jeongyeon could make her happy like that.”

She can hear Sana sigh at the back. “When you said you were in Busan, you didn’t actually go there?”

Jihyo shook her head. “No, I was preparing everything for Japan. I came back to Korea to finish the exams, but Dahyun roped me into handling the school dance. So, I had to stay longer. But I finished everything early and left before the dance.”

She rubbed her face, remembering back the pain it felt to hug Nayeon for the last time. She had used her last ounce of braveness to kiss the girl on the cheek but even then, she had hoped Nayeon wouldn’t notice it. She cried the whole way home, heart shattered in every step.

She lets out a sigh, “I’m pretty sure when Nayeon read that letter, she would be cursing me six ways to Sunday.”

“How would you know that?”

“Because I’m her best friend. I know her.”

“Hyo, if I was in her shoes, I would be extremely sad if my own best friend left me like that,” Sana gently reprimanded her.

Jihyo took a shuddering breath, her illusion waned. “You think I didn't think of that? You think that's not one of my guilt?” She rubbed her eyes to stop herself from crying.

“How long has it been?” Sana asked, coming up behind her and rubbing her back soothingly. Jihyo was glad that she did that because she was about to spiral into herself, the touch an anchor.

“5 years,” she murmured, already feeling drained just thinking about it. “Until now,” she said as she glanced at the letter on her dresser. The thing that triggered all these memories.

A couple of seconds of thinking and she couldn’t help but break. “I fucked up, Sana. But she still wants to—” Jihyo choked out, clenching her hands into fists to stop the wave of guilt washing over her, but she could never stop it.

Sana held onto her hand, head leaning on her shoulder and thumb brushing to soothe her. “I don’t think you did. Because if you did fuck up, she wouldn’t have sent that to you. She’s extending an olive branch to you.” She kissed the side of Jihyo’s head and pulled her against her chest. “I think it’s time to make a choice Jihyo, connect…or stay the way it is. But know this, I’m with you the whole way, okay?” Sana whispered. She got off the bed and reached for the letter, handing it to Jihyo. “I know that you’re ready for this, baby.” She left Jihyo by herself, simmering in her feelings.

Jihyo read the invitation one more time, Sana’s voice echoing inside her head. She felt resignation in her heart instead of dread.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of _

_Im Nayeon _

_and _

_Yoo Jeongyeon_

_Saturday, May 20th, 2019_

_Eight in the evening at Park Hyatt Seoul Hotel_

Attached to it is an RSVP to confirm attendance for the wedding.

She grabbed a pen, exhaled and tick.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this and if you guys don't mind, tell me if I did the angst right :') I'll be here @anothingqueer if u guys wanna shout your thoughts or just need someone to listen to :) Should I do a Jihyo's POV 🤔


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